Thou are worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created.
Over the last several years, it has become a huge reality that miscarriage is a very common occurrence. I never realized this until I had two miscarriages of my own and people began reaching out to me. Both of my miscarriages were very unexpected, but the first one was probably the most difficult.
I found out I was expecting a baby and of course, we were very surprised and excited! We didn’t tell many people other than family, but as the pregnancy progressed, we did finally tell our friends. Little did I know that around the time we made the announcement, the baby went to Heaven.
My first appointment with the doctor was around nine weeks. We heard the heartbeat, and everything appeared absolutely fine on the ultrasound. It never crossed my mind one time that I could lose the baby. To my knowledge, no one in my family had ever had a miscarriage. It was on the return visit one month later that I found out the baby had passed away. By this point I was almost fourteen weeks along. When the nurse used the Doppler and couldn’t find a heartbeat, I knew something wasn’t right because I had heard the heartbeat at just nine weeks. She told me that the baby’s back could possibly be blocking the sound and that the doctor would come in to listen. When the doctor couldn’t hear the heartbeat, she sent me for an ultrasound.
Before I ever had the ultrasound, I just knew in my heart that the baby had passed away, and that’s exactly what the ultrasound revealed. The baby measured much larger than it did at nine weeks, so the baby hadn’t been gone for too long. The doctor and ultrasound technician were extremely sympathetic and kind, but they also discussed the realities of what all this meant. It was a lot of information to take in considering I was just planning for a quick visit to the doctor that day. My husband wasn’t at the appointment, but thankfully, my mother had gone along with me, so I wasn’t alone.
I went home to rest and was later scheduled for a d&c. The thoughts of having surgery were somewhat terrifying, but I was able to talk to a friend who had previously had the procedure. She advised that I request an additional ultrasound before the procedure just for peace of mind that the baby had passed away. This was possibly the best advice given! I followed through with her suggestion, and the extra ultrasound gave me the peace of mind I needed.
Following my surgery, my hormones were a little crazy for a few weeks. I grieved over the loss of the baby, and what helped the most was writing a letter to the baby. I wrote about everything I could remember from the time I found out I was expecting the baby up to the current date. I also made a memory book and filled it with cards, ultrasound pictures, the letter, and pictures of little gifts people had given me.
Every person is different, and we all grieve in different ways, but my biggest suggestion to anyone who experiences a miscarriage is this… Do not grieve alone. Reach out, and allow family and friends to help you through the trial. Chances are, you will find many who have been through similar experiences or even worse trials. After you have experienced a miscarriage, be a blessing by encouraging others who may experience a similar situation. And most importantly, trust the Lord for healing in your heart.
The closing of my letter to our first baby in Heaven…
It is now Saturday morning, a little after 5 a.m. I have been up most of the night, crying over losing my precious little baby. I know you are in Heaven with Jesus, and that is the best place for you. You will never have to experience anything painful or hurtful in this life. Jesus will always care for you, just as He is caring for Mommy and Daddy right now. Mommy has a doctor’s appointment on Monday, and we plan to have a little graveside service for you next Saturday. Please always know that Mommy and Daddy love you so much, and we will always love you. I wish I would have told you many more times how much I love you before you went to be with Jesus. You are my precious Baby.
I Will Always Love You,
Helpful Reading Material:
Made Only for Heaven by Wendy Carr—Visit http://www.wendyjcarr.com/book.html
Dear Kathy: Help in Gaining God’s Perspective on Miscarriage, Stillbirth, or Any Other Heartbreaking Loss by Gretchen Fant
*Permission to share these titles granted by both authors.
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